I remember the warmth of the fresh early morning sun and the cool soothing water on my skin.

This was my comfort after all, where I could find my center.

As I attempted to settle myself, I closed my eyes and had to remind myself to “breathe”. Incomplete thoughts exploded in my head, heart, and soul.

I felt the delicate spray chill me to the bone, and I was brought back to my disgusting new reality.

My world had shattered just a few hours before this moment. 
 

It was the thing that turns your insides out.  The pain that should make your heart stop.  The air became heavy.

In my lungs.

All around.

Colors were muted.

Everything was wrong.

I was completely numb while feeling absolutely everything.

Tears flooded my face and the only thought I had was, “I can’t make it. Today is the last day.”

But I made it, as much as I didn’t think I would, or cared if I did.

If I’m honest, it can be iffy even now.

It doesn’t matter what the cause was, I didn’t get a say either way.

“It” can be anything. 

It is chronic pain, loss of loved ones, sadness, anxiety, or flat out depression. 

Some days are harder than others.

On a hard day, I feel like I can't even breathe, but somehow I do. 

On a good day, it is part of my shadow, never far behind. But on either day, we all have No matter what day it is, , but no matter what kind of day I have, I can keep going or stop. 

So, I keep going, just for today.

Tomorrow, I will think of tomorrow.

The only thing that each of us truly has control over, is how we respond. 
 

That’s it.  No more. No less.

I know I will stand taller again, some day.  It's worth sharing as a reminder to others, and myself when things get heavy. If I can make it through this, I can hack anything else thrown at me. Once you have seen darkness in the depths of the lows, it's hard to have the floor drop out from under you again. I'm not sure anything has the same gravity as that first gut punch. 

If someone says they are struggling or going through it, it’s ok to ask if they wanna chat or remind them that you have their back. "It could be worse", is not helpful, leave that one out, and this isn't the time to compare pain for pain. 

Sometimes reaching out can take more courage and strength than imaginable. 

If you truly knew what it was like to hang on to a ship in rough water by only your fingernails, you would do your very best to make sure nobody else feels that way.

We recognize our own; you are not alone.

Love, Sivie