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Horsewoman's Dream

I woke up earlier than usual, but this morning was different because it felt peaceful. That hasn't happened very frequently over the last several years. I don't usually remember my dreams and if I do, it's because it wasn't a good one. This was so vivid, almost real, as if it were tangible. It was one of those moments that made you question if it was a dream or a memory.


My Horse, Tex


His gate was clunky and unrhythmic and at 17 hands tall "smooth" was not a word that described this big guy. Come to think of it, same could have been said for me. We complimented each other and understood each others quirks. I didn't have to stay as alert with him as I did with some of the other ponies. I remember singing songs and talking out my teenage angst with him as my head would bob in sync with his steps. He wasn't for everyone, in fact I was the only one in my family that seemed to connect. It was unbelievable how his lope across the flat open pasture could be so intense, so powerful, and even if it was limited to that, it was so, so, smooth.


The Dream


It was one of those perfect early spring, first few days of warmth that inspires your soul to be outside, dig in the dirt, or plant something. The hint of a chill in the air was gone and blooms of summer were budding, and you just felt hopeful. The excitement of the last day of the semester was in sight. I looked forward to those rides with Tex, to decompress, have a "therapy" session with Tex, and after school rides could last longer. This is home, true peace. I close my eyes, trust completely in him to be sure footed and not faulter. He trusted me to be where I needed to be, there was a balance. I let my solid looped reigns lay against his neck and patted his smooth coat. He was an extension of me, and I, him. Together we were unstoppable. His steady gate quickened, my mind kept up with his pace and was lost in thought. I felt his his energy shift, which got my attention and cleared my mind instantly. He was telling me to get set, he wanted to the go ahead to run.


There was no thinking to it, it was all one fluid motion, as if our energy was a mirror reflecting each other:


I shifted my weight,

he tightened every muscle, energy radiating.

I drew my reigns up, patted his slick neck a couple more times, let him know we were on the same page.

He lightened his steps no longer solid, hard onto the ground.

I pressed my toes down, into the stirrups,

he held his head high and shook out his mane in anticipation.

I braced my legs around him, into post stance, lifted slightly out of the seat of the saddle,

he snorted with an exhale, quick, audible, breaths with short jumping steps that matched.


I leaned over, making myself smaller, closer to him, to streamline the both of us,

we melted into one,

flipped my cap around backwards,

my let's get it grin.


His gate was a sideways prance, he was holding building energy for the ready,

like a turbo spooling up, ready to dump the clutch,

he lifted his tail, ducked his head down with flattened ears,

his let's get it grin.


Barely above a whisper I gave him a "let'ssss..."

Before the hint of "go", he lunged, like a coiled spring,

tightened,

confined,

he bolted forward,

and we would bust through anything ahead.


Three solid steps and it was a flat out run...

and we could fly.


I dug my heels down, braced, and pulled him to a stop.

His back leg tremble, indicating that he had more left in him.

I felt his sides expand and contract quickly, each of us catching our breath with exhilaration. He was high headed, looking in each direction, searching for a pair that needed to be split.

He was game for another run if I was, but we weren't herding cattle that day.

It had been a good run, the sun had dropped in the sky and thicker clouds were moving in, best to call it on a good note.

Tex was happy, he felt good and I felt the same.


My dream jumped to having already unsaddled Tex and put the tack away. About to lead him back to the pasture but needed to give him one more hug, let him know he was my pard and I appreciated him. Tex pressed his head against my arm in a loving nudge that turned into him using me as a fence post to scratch his forehead.

His amber eyes were wide and endearing with his loyalty.

His velvet lip brushed against my face with a hint of orneriness.

We both smelled of sweat, shinnery, and the earthy field.

I took a moment just to feel all that was familiar...and it felt like home.


I could see my Daddy and Great Grandmother talking near a ranch truck just off the path and decided to check in with them. The setting sun was crisp golden light so bright that I couldn't make out details but only the long shadows stretching out toward me. As I walked toward them I made sure I walked tall with my shoulders back and head up, with no hesitation. My Grandmother appreciated confidence and to carry yourself well was an admirable quality. We talked, but I don't recall the dialogue, I still remember the vivid details of both of them, as clear as I had seen them yesterday. As Tex and I walked away, I could have sworn I heard my Grandmother say, "She does sit a horse pretty, doesn't she?" So much so that it was almost real.


I thought about that dream daily for weeks and the sentimental feeling lingered even longer. Eventually, while visiting with my parents I described the dream to them and surprisingly I had a hard time articulating that last line. With quiet intent they listened as I told them how wonderful it was and I appreciated the vividness. With a sigh, I mentioned that I sure wished she had said that, but was thankful, regardless.


They were both quiet for a moment, glanced at each other, and I thought that I could see a little more emotion in Daddy's eyes, or something was different in a way. He glanced at Mom, indicating for her to tell me something they both seemed to know, but I did not. They definitely had my attention, Mom took my hand, with undeniable truth, said honey, I heard her say that often. I looked at Daddy and his blue eyes sparkled with pride and a hint of sadness as he nodded and said, It's true, she said it every time she saw you ride. You know she wasn't one to hand out compliments, but don't think that meant she didn't love you and made her proud. Same as with your Mama and I, don't ever doubt it.






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